Everyone expects the younger generation to grow up, find a mate, (maybe) marry, but definitely procreate. Likewise, I like to think the same for myself, that within the next decade, I will find someone to love and marry and create a family with.
Notice the phrase “like to think.”
Much like I “like to think” that there is a God, a Heaven, and a special place in Hell for the Monster; I only have faith in the idea, but it’s hard to do so because I have, well, a brain. And common sense that reminds me of the impossibility of such notions. That too…
In recent years, I’ve questioned whether that plan works for me. Unlike previous generations who upheld that view of the “goals” one should attempt to reach before they die, relationships today last longer than most marriages and grow babies in petri dishes, so some of those spaces on the game of Life aren’t really necessary anymore:
Marriage slowly becomes an antiquity in the face of a growing female working population who’d rather make money and careers instead of families and babies. However, our evolutionary functions insist that we need to make babies so we found a loophole for that in the form of artificial insemination and adopting cute minority babies from war-torn countries.
What I guess I’m trying to get at is, I don’t really need a guy to get the family I know I want. And yes, I’m well aware that this mentality seems to be made only to support my last entry in loving a ghost. But I promise my reader that this isn’t the case.
Fact is, about two years ago I already came to this conclusion that I wouldn’t mind having a child without having a husband. Yes, it’d be difficult, but so many women manage to pull it off just fine, whether they want to or not. There’s this archaic idea of a cookie cutter family with a mom, dad, and two kids and a dog for bonus points if you’re that much of an overachiever.
But things and family dynamics have changed.
Biologically, women want children, but now they also want jobs (because we can actually get them), which inherently hinders your ability to be a decent parent, which in turn heavily suggests that you have a partner/spouse/lover of sorts to help you raise your children (because having a nanny just screams “I’m too busy to build a relationship with my child”), but having a partner/spouse/lover in turn stretches your already-spider-web-thin time and devotion beyond its elasticity limit. A friend once told me that you inevitably take on the roles of an employee, a spouse, and a parent, but that you can only excel at two of the three and simply have to accept having mediocre or sub-par performance in the last category.
Realistically speaking, it’d be imperative to excel at your job in order to even support the family you want to have (and you’re gonna want a family because otherwise you’re just the old, lonely person that everyone feels sorry for). So it really comes down to whether you wanna be the crappy parent that could cause their child thousands in future therapy, or you’re willing to put your relationship with your partner/spouse/lover on the line and risk losing your confidant and companion in the rough times.
The way I figure, I actually want kids and am generally averse to long-term relationships (for [maybe just] the moment).
So it’s a pretty (somewhat) easy decision for me…
Written 12/24/10
