I am surprising myself with how well I am taking this. It's been a stressful and eventful week and I'm somewhat amazed with my own developed ability to not bury myself under a blanket and just be sad and pathetic for hours on end. Maybe I actually am getting better as opposed to simply repeating the phrase over and over again in a fervent hope that, if I say it enough times it'll come true.
But I actually am feeling better, feeling stronger.
Sure, this week was tough, and maybe if it happened 4 months ago, I'd be a wreck. But if this little project has been teaching me anything important, it's that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I used to hate it when people said that, because I'd always think in the medical/health perspective, about chronic illnesses that, while may allow you to live up to 96 years of age, will ultimately deteriorate your quality of life while simultaneously prolonging it. So while you'd be living longer, how you'd be living it would suck to the nth degree.
But it is true: I'm alive, I'm well, even if I find myself in uncomfortable or otherwise awkward situations that I'd normally avoid. But I walked through fire and didn't get burned. Just lightly tanned. So I'm taking a bigger initiative now; finding myself going through my phone and social networks and going on a deleting spree of people I haven't talked to in weeks or months, let alone seen in person, or have otherwise regarded my attempts at connection with the affection one traditionally holds for mosquitoes or assorted vermin.
I've done this before, but now I'm okay with being a bitch and getting rid of people I deem "associates" (aka dead weight) as opposed to actual friends. Once upon a time, I would've been sad to do so, terrified even, at the idea of losing "friends" (and thus being one step closer to being that lonely cat lady when I'm 30) when, really, I'm just tossing out people who probably don't remember I'm even around...which is kind of a good thing. Because then I'm not losing a friend, just...social fluff. And no one likes fluff outside of their teddy bears.
I like this me; the one that's not so freaked by exes, dead bodies, or letting go of people I don't even particularly like. I think I'm pretty awesome.
