Since it’s the holidays, there are a few people down in town who normally aren’t around, and the people who do live here are actually free to see each other.
So, as much as I abhor doing so, I went ahead and planned lunch for me and my friends. I always thought the idea of making time for friends was rather silly; they’re your friends, why would you need to make time for them?
Well, apparently, it’s because you have so much other stuff going on in your world that having a social life becomes one of those things you could do rather than things you have to do; like, go to Disney world, or, have a life or something like that…
Anyway, as I’m rounding up a few of these people, I get to hear funny things. Perhaps the funniest, is hearing that someone, let’s call him…Ricky* wants to avoid our friend, hmm, let’s name her…Rae*. See, it’s not so much that Ricky hates Rae to the point of wanting to avoid her. Quite the contrary, he’s so blindly in love with her to such a fault that it makes one’s eyes roll to the back of their heads (truly, I’m sure my eyes have actually done so).
In any case, Ricky loves Rae, but (of course there’s a “but”) Rae doesn’t love Ricky. Shocker, I know. (Drip*Sarcasm*Drip)
Think of every teen movie that Hollywood pumped out in the 80s and 90s and you’ve pretty much a got a good idea of their interaction: one’s hot, the other’s not, in the end they magically come together. Except this craptastic teen movie should’ve ended when we left high school…or college. Oh, and she will never view him beyond anything than a friend (largely because every other guy she’s dated has made more money in the span they dated her than he will in the next, oooh, maybe 5 years). But, of course, this is Ricky’s teen movie so he’s holding out for that one, magical moment when Rae will “snap out of it” and realize that Ricky’s the only man for her…even though he’s not the guy who showers her fingers with more ice than you can find in the North Pole.
Yeah…like that’s gonna happen.
And , yes, I realize the irony of making a post about being in love with someone who can’t love you back and then seemingly mocking a friend in a similar situation. But see, aside from the unrequited love factor, that’s pretty much the extent of the alike-ness of our situations. Whereas I’ve embraced my singleness and am content with loving from a very, very, continental distance, Ricky has not. For that matter, I have no idea what he tells his male friends, because every one of them believe that he has moved on from Rae, that he only sees her as “a friend.”
Bull.Shit.
Now, it might seem awful and mean to deride Ricky for doing what so many other people do on a regular basis: love someone.
But I’m going to do it anyway. Why? Well, because the way he does it always manages to bother me. See, everyone knows Ricky loves Rae. And I use the term literally: everyone knows, including Rae. For years. Except Ricky hasn’t made an effort to acknowledge it to her.
Which might not seem like a big deal, but it’s pretty much like watching your son smearing his lipgloss on another guy’s mouth without any confirmation on his end. It just makes things really awkward when no one addresses the issue directly.
And “awkward” is a lovely understatement. I once confronted Rae about it once, suggesting that she might be abusing Ricky’s feelings for her only to quickly realize that she’s pretty much done all she can to make sure Ricky understands he’s just a “really good friend” to her. Apparently, any ideas of being “more than friends” is all in Ricky’s head.
(I think this counts as a delusion according to my Pysch book).
In any case, Rae has come back to town (she lives out of state since graduating). Not only that, but she’s brought home a boy. (Oooh, Ahhh) Well, perhaps “boy” is a loose term. The man is 10 years older than our graduating class, makes stacks of money for spending a day in the office, and goes condo shopping. Yes, condo shopping. Because he makes just that much money. Like Ricky can even begin to compare. And yet he still tries. And fails, most magnificently.
(Hence, why I giggle when I hear about these things).
Since Ricky and Rae are within my circle of friends, I would love for both of them to come by at the little shindig I had planned. Imagine me reining in my laughter when Rae reveals that Ricky has ignored her attempts to contact him. Considering that he biked 3 miles just because she didn’t have a car for the simple sake to see her (not do anything, simply see her) and once declared that he’d give up every one of his dreams just to have her love him back the way he loves her, not contacting her back is a big deal indeed.
ANYWAY…
Rae thought Ricky was ignoring her as he hadn’t replied to any of her contacts, and subsequently asked me if this was the case. I didn’t say he was ignoring her.
…I simply shared that his phone was working just fine the day before, and the day before, and the day before…
Suffice to say, even if he wasn’t getting back to her, it was clear he wasn’t making an effort to reach her either. And I had a 30-year-old idea as to why.
…Which I confirmed when I spoke to Ricky later when I asked him what his deal was. His reply?
“It’s just too hard to see her right now,” He admitted over the phone. “There’s just too much emotional pain…”
He said more stuff, but I was too busy trying to rein in my laughter at the idea to follow. Bottom line: he’s still in love with Rae and can’t deal with seeing her be happy with someone who is worlds away from him.
I know I’m not any better; seeing the man I love with another woman altogether is likely to put me into an emotional coma for a few weeks. Only difference is, I actually had a relationship with the man I loved, however short-lived and intense it was. At some point in time, there was an acknowledgement of those emotions that I had and, for however briefly, those feelings were returned. At some point in time, there was love created from both sides, and both sides took a blow when the relationship that created that love couldn’t hold up anymore.
Therein developed a reason to avoid, a reason to create distance, a reason to stay away and keep the hard feelings at bay.
…Because there existed something wonderful once before it died. And remembering that wonderful thing is hard because you have to remember that it died.
So I don't feel too bad laughing at him. Because all Ricky’s avoiding is reality. And that kind of pisses me off.
Written 12/27/10
