The Baby told me that loving someone is a matter of putting their happiness ahead of yours. I've always thought that I understood this concept and it's only been recently have I come to understand how much this mindframe utterly sucks.
It's one thing to want happiness for your significant other. It's another thing when their happiness depends on you staying the fuck away from them.
"I really hope this works out between you two and that you can salvage the relationship you have with each other." - complete bullshit. I don't mean it; it breaks my fucking heart ten times over than I'd anticipated it. It's not like I can own another person, let alone control how they think and feel, but I'd always believed in our happy ending...and it never really occurred to me that we'd get them with anyone else but each other.
But even as I admit that I don't want it to happen, it is the truth: I want him to be happy. I want him to be happy no matter what... and I just barely manage not to start crying at work because, for this moment I'm choosing to be honest and admitting that loving another person (and this asshole in particular) means that I need to be supportive about him loving someone else. And it sucks five levels of hairy testicles but I shock myself at easily accepting it.
Maybe it'll be better now, now that I'm (semi-sorta-kinda) at peace with this idea that I'm not "the one" for him. I used to believe that all the miscommunication, the drama, the fighting, and the missed opportunities were so that we could get all the bullshit out of the way now so that we could spend the rest of our lives together in (relative) harmony. And while my future fantasy was sufficiently imploded in a matter of minutes today, I'm kind of proud of myself for not taking it worse than I could have.
His happiness -> My happiness. And I'm okay with the arrow never turning around.
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