Day 306 Quality

There's a baby that doesn't stop screaming. No one knows why; she just cries and cries and cries all day and night, eventually exhausting herself to the point that she just passes out and we get to equate that with "sleep."


When I say this baby is "miserable" I'm not exaggerating. She just cries and cries, staying awake as she does so, tears coming from her red eyes, sweat practically pouring from her head, her body in a permanently-anguished posture that no one can seem to twist her out of. While no one knows whatever metabolic or physical reason there could be to make her so agitated, the real frustration lies in knowing that absolutely nothing can make her better. There is literally no means (short of a chemical coma) that could render her quiet, calm, and comfortable. It's just impossible... or rather, it's been impossible for the better part of the last few months since she's been in our care, no means, medication or care we could give this child can calm her down to the point where she stops screaming.


"Poor baby," One of the other nurses coos, stroking her head while the baby just shouts and screams and coughs and gags and screams. "We treat dogs better than you."


I look at her, slightly horrified that we're comparing a baby to a pet, but the nurse leans in, wipes away some of the drool leaking from the baby's permanently-opened-and-screeching mouth and clarifies, 


"We put dogs out of their misery. You? We're going to keep alive."


...And it's one of those moments where I'm reminded of one of the quirks of healthcare that I don't know if I'll ever find peace with: intrinsically, our jobs are geared towards saving lives, preserving them. 


But... to what extent? Keeping someone alive has been made easier with medication and technology that pretty much does the job for your internal organs. But... just because you can keep someone alive, does it mean you should? 


I hate to admit it, but some people are really just better off dead. It's such a harsh idea, but if you've ever found yourself in a nursing home, or had to sit by a screaming baby all day without being able to do a damn thing for her, or had to watch someone be continuously support by beeping machines, I think you'd know better.


There is absolutely no quality of life, current or future for a lot of these patients; they're essentially doomed to live as artificially-support vegetables for the rest of their lives.... and I can't quite find peace with the idea that I have to keep people alive just for the sake of being alive....