Day 11 (recall) Nap ASAP

Today was exhausting to say the least

Theday startied out with me exhausted from getting up early to monitors the student’s since after all, I’m not an exten ded mem by sitter. HJoewer, the rest of the staff too kl me sterious ly an dresleased the children well before their sue tkmewas around hem that I realized that children under the age of 330 tshould e lef t alone uh supervised, since I basicea,ly guided them to unsafe  hiceosin n the long run. In the end, I erquestedt the help of a ltest two different friends to elf tm abyb siter’s body in’t a comoatose state into an enlibator before rising o the av[[rloiporiate evel. I;m unaderstANBLUY COMSCER ED. AN I WORRY FOR THE SAFETY OF SEVERAL OF THE CHILDREN. Btu I have faith that London witll take care of most of them. And that alone keps me get thorugh most of the iwndter.

…And that lovely tidbit was what I apparently decided to write when I finally came home at a time that I have yet to determine seeing as how “smashed out of my mind” doesn’t come close to describing me by the end of last night. I don’t know why in the hell I imagined coming near students and I don’t know if I was trying to refer to London the city or London the character played by Brenda Song from the Suite Life on Disney. Either way, I blame the two Asian girls asleep in my bed.

About 24 hours ago, I trudged my ass out of said bed. In the next two hours, I accompanied my sister to pick up some friends at the airport. Well, ‘friends’ isn’t really accurate. They’re the daughters of my mother’s nursing classmates whom we met about two years ago at a class reunion (they have them yearly, but the first one we attended was back then in California). I’m not sure if there’s a title for that kind of relationship so I just refer to them as either ‘family friends’ to Filipinos and ‘cousins’ to everyone else who asks and doesn’t understand why we’d let girls we barely know into our home.

Cici* is tan from California sun with streaks of red in her hair. She has a penchant for finding men to fund her lifestyle and spent about two years traveling the world and can speak multiple languages if the natives talk slowly. Annie* is a self-admitted slut from Jersey but she’s so sweet and scathingly funny that you don’t even think about it. She has a complexion most Asian women would die for and is pretty talented in getting people drunk with a drink called Getting Laid Lemonade. It’s largely her and that drink that I blame (thank) for maintaining my illegal alcohol level from 9 pm onwards last night.

Aaand just got confirmation that we left the club sometime around 12:30 am (appalling early by our standards) because the bouncers caw my little sister throw up. Classy huh?

Let’s recap:  We picked up the girls. Afterwards, I dropped off my then-sober sister for her finals and went, of all the places, to the zoo. Yes, the zoo. When I first heard that these girls wanted to spend their first day in Miami at the zoo, I of course laughed because none of their profile pictures would suggest they want anything other than to consume large amounts of alcohol. I figured ‘the Zoo’ was maybe a restaurant, or a bar, or a strip club where the men take off animal-skin thongs to African drums.

Nope. Just. The. Zoo.

It was empty. Not just of people, but of quite a few exhibits too. Annie was very upset that she didn’t get to see her orangutans. They come from places were zoos are happy and open. And ours largely has sad animals that lay around waiting to die or hump each other (I have a suspicion that the handlers sneak some ganja into their meals). But we made the best of it, taking photo ops where we could, marveling at pretty birds while we used our maps as makeshift hats to avoid getting crapped on, and checking out creepy reptiles and funky animals (there’s a fish with actual legs, and fish with no eyes crazy!). We also met a giraffe who let us pet him. I named him Claude. And we saw a sobbing turtle. No, really. There were tears coming out of its eyes. I felt bad for the big guy (he was huge).

By the time we reached the exit we arrived to the conclusion that too many of the animals are pretty much a different type of a horse and found out we’d been walking for two hours. So, to reward ourselves, we headed over to the mall where we stared at some restaurants because we couldn’t decide where to eat.

Not because we cared, but because we were just infinitely indecisive. We had to toss a coin. A Cuban restaurant won out, which was good, but we spent the first 15 minutes processing the menu in Spanish and then in English. That part wasn’t so good. But the food was nice and we treated ourselves to shopping shortly afterwards. Another couple of hours later (one of which was spent literally sifting through sparkling rings), we walked out nice and happy, and just a bit tired. But it was worth it because Cici got these gorgeous glittery heels.

Then, after arguing with my sister for directions and getting through traffic, we picked up my sister after her last final and high-tailed it back home. Once they got settled in, we sat down and ate with my parents. Well, we ate, and Annie sliced half a piece of meatloaf and called it a meal. Apparently, she’s super picky about her food and, to my mother’s well-masked horror, does not eat Filipino food.

Insert scandalized gasp here.

It was around then that my sister broke the news that we were going out that evening. I grabbed a bottle of soda, my sister grabbed the leftover rum from our last drunken debacle and we high-tailed it to get more liquor. We finished off the soda, but Annie wisely told us to keep it, since she’d use it to mix her drinks. We stared at her in awe. What drunken genius!!

It was around then that Annie made us her first batch of Getting Laid Lemonade. It was delicious and strong and by the time we got to the parking lot for the bar, I was about a 6 on my “1 to fucked up” scale. We met up with the birthday girl, Gilly*, and my sister’s best friend Joy* and got into her car and basically drank and talked shit for the next hour or so. It was a lot of fun. One particular moment sticks out in my mind and it went a little like the following:

Annie: There was this one guy I was with who had a penis that, I swear, looked like God had sculpted out of white chocolate and gold.

Everyone laughs

Joy: Penises are so weird.

Everyone: Yeah!

Me: Really? I kinda think they look really delicious.

Mix of laugh and “Ew” from the sister.

Cici: So have you ever like, tasted yourself?

…Silence and stares.

Cici: Oh my god no! Annie! You know what I’m talking about right?

Annie: …I need to pee

And so Annie peed. We opened the side passenger and back door, and Annie popped a squat between them while Cici stood blocking her from everyone else’s view as Annie peed without pulling off her panties or shorts in the parking lot.

…One word: Talent.

Everything afterwards gets a little hazy. At some point, we’re inside the bar and someone’s eating. Then everyone’s partying and dancing. And the next coherent thing I remember was seeing my sister crumpled on a couch, clearly passed out. It was around then that I thought, “I think I have to drive home.” And I had to. Because my baby sister woke up from her drunken slumber and proceeded to puke all over herself.

So, in the words of Joy, my sister’s night went as follows:

“well first she fell
then she went to sleep
then she threw up on herself
got kicked out by the bouncer
and got carried to the car by one of the guys we were with.
success.”

All before 1 am. Fail? Likely. I think afterwards I went to McDonald’s because I found a fry and what I hope are ketchup stains in my bed.

I think it’s pretty clear now: I need to sleep again.

*Names changed because drunken debauchery is something that should remain anonymous