Day 77 (Recall) Cirque du Funbags

Written 2/13/11

Lin’s birthday is this weekend.

To celebrate, she wanted to go to a strip club.

I have never gone to one.

…Yup.

So I head over to Susie’s house, having a great conversation with her dad about how exasperating it is that Susie constantly dresses like a gross bum running a 5k every day. It was lovely. Afterwards, we all meet up prior to heading out, me and Susie carpooling together to Dita’s house, where Lin and Nicky show up later on. Lin’s wearing platform heels that I loved and Nicky’s hair is this happy poof since she hasn’t touched it with a hot iron in months.

We head out to a bar, meeting up with one of our oldest friends, Andy* and Lin’s boyfriend, who was “religiously opposed” to going to the strip club with us. We drank for a bit before taking the drive to Tootsie’s, which in itself is probably as much of a South Florida institution as the beaches themselves.

And when I say “institution” I mean it; the place was a Costco’s before so it’s essentially this enormous, concrete tent of Cirque du Clitoris. Seriously I got more of an eyeful of their parts in an hour than I ever have of my own.

When I paid for cover charge, I got change in singles.

…Yeah, it was awesome. Although at some point, I found myself wondering which girl was working the nightshift and which one was just dressing like a skank. Andy and Lin got motor-boated in the front row, Nicky slapped a few strippers asses, Dita joined the rest of the men in the crowd in attempting to throw ice cubes into the strippers’ cooches every time they did air-splits, and Susie and I hung back and critiqued each girl’s technique (or inherent lack of one) and bemoaned how only one girl climbed halfway up the poles. At some point, I turned to Susie and jokingly asked,

“Do you think that when we met when we were five that we thought we’d end up in a strip club in seventeen years?”

She laughed, shaking her head, and said, “We’re so going to hell.”

I gestured to the stage, “At least we’re going to have entertainment.”

After a dozen or so dancers and one guy asking if he could get me a drink, Susie and I headed out, with her power-walking like she was going to be mauled at any moment. I giggled.

It was admittedly a fantastic time. Definitely need a repeat at some point…

*I’m really not even trying anymore