So Cue’s birthday was this Sunday and Andre’s birthday was yesterday.
To celebrate, they planned a super-last-minute joint get-together at the beach. Not gonna lie, I was kinda pissed off since I’d pretty much already made plans with other people. But, like last week when I moved my dinner date with Ken so I’d have time to go to Lin’s stripper birthday party, I made a choice and decided to go to the beach.
A couple of hours later, I’ve managed to sweat out the alcohol from my body and I’m fairly certain my arms are going to ache like hell in a few hours thanks to a few not-so-coordinated games of volleyball. I drove Joy and the Sister, which turned out to be a huge mistake since, I reiterate, I have the directional sense of a paperweight. It took an additional 30 minutes to get to the beach all because I missed one turn. Fail.
Joy took particular, well, joy in laughing over my complete inability to switch lanes on command and the Sister nearly died of exasperation in the backseat over just how god-awful my driving is (I actually obeyed street signs and hit a curb at least once. Thankfully, Stuart forgave me).
While I will die reppin’ the 3-0-5 and will cheer any team that’s prefaced with the name “Miami,” I’m actually not a big fan of South Beach. On the top of the list as to why I don’t like it is probably because there are too many boobies being exposed (Yes, I do realize the irony of this) and even more creepy guys trying to get people to come to their respective clubs when the sun goes down. So I was kind of happy when we went to a different beach today.
As it so happens, this beach has particular memories for me.
Almost 20 years ago when we were all new immigrants and lived at the same apartment complex, my family and family friends came there often to celebrate birthdays and big parties. In effect, I kinda grew up on that beach, coming there several times every year until we got a lot older and craved the glamour of the infamous South Beach.
But today, I got around with my friends, drinking rum with diet cola, eating too much food, playing volleyball and failing at volleyball for all games played. At some point, we stopped actually playing and decided to see who could keep the ball up in the air longest. Surprisingly, we all did well when points were completely ignored. My arm still aches from the pain of hitting the ball in the wrong direction of the net.
On the sly, the Sister and Joy made an insane amount of fun of Gilly (the girl who fell asleep with her undies around her thighs on her birthday). See, she has a reputation of being a tease who gets genuinely surprised and confused when the boys she teases decide that they can’t be her friend anymore because she can’t make a commitment to any of them. She’s kinda like Rae in a sense, except Rae is acutely aware of her effect on men but tends to be too narcissistic to care while Gilly is just…lord, dense I guess? Which, admittedly is not much better, but it is pretty funny.
Her latest victims are Cue and our friend Drew*, who came with his new girlfriend to the beach so every time she came within six feet of either guy, Joy and the Sister burst into incredibly obvious giggles and even pointed on a few occasions. Yup: as subtle as a white guy in Japan.
It was a big day for couples actually, as most of our friends present were in relationships and thus arrived with their significant others. Elliot came with Anita, Drew arrived later with his new lady (whose name is eerily similar to Gilly’s real name), Andre hung around with Baby (surprisingly not fighting even once!), and my old friend Lee* frolicked with her jokingly-prepubescent lover Josh*. Maybe it was because the majority of the people present were single like me, but the presence of happily loving couples didn’t bother me in the least…
I miss being in a relationship and being with someone. Being on that specific beach with those thoughts was particularly fitting in a way, as about four years ago, I spent my first date with Neil at the different part of the same beach. We’d started going out when we were in different cities so our date was the first time we’d seen each other in months. I kissed him when we met up at Ricky’s house and he later confided that he wasn’t sure if he should’ve done it first. Coincidentally, on the way to the beach, he caught sight of a boat in the water, made a brief detour and jovially greeted Darren as he came to shore.
Yup. My then-very-new-boyfriend made that extra effort to just say ‘hi’ to my then-ex.
“Awkward turtle” doesn’t even come close. Think: awkward plane crash instead.
Neil and I would go to that beach often when we dated, a fact that I’d honestly forgotten until I passed by that specific stretch of the shore. That realization, along with having conversations with Gio about Neil without having a meltdown, and being able to be happy about Michael’s new relationship make me feel really, really hopeful.
I’d written before that, despite missing the men in my life who made me so happy, I’m always aware that they’re chapters that I shouldn’t spend so much time rereading and reliving. And that, with time, I’d hope to one day forget at least some of the intimacies that I once treasured so much when I was with them. Today, realizing that I’d completely forgotten such a prominent feature of my old relationship, it’s like I can actually feel myself moving forward. And despite the relief and slight giddiness that settles on me, there is a bit of sad nostalgia too; like saying goodbye to a dead friend, you have to do it eventually, but it doesn’t make it easier to do, or better to bear.
But I’m getting there. Like today’s games, I suck a little less with every try.
*...Maybe I'll just switch to using everyone's real names. It might be less obvious than what I'm doing now...
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