Day 184 Whatever

When Ricky sends me a text asking if we can talk, I'm on alert, thinking that it's something to do with his dad and I tell him I'll head over as soon as dinner is over. His house is calm but he clearly doesn't want to talk there so we drive out to a nearby bar to eat and talk.

I immediately regret coming over to him once we get out of his neighborhood because he reveals that the core reason for his distress is the fact that he didn't get to spend time with Rae today... I seriously consider turning the car around and dropping him off because, considering how much of a tool he's been to her and how pathetically devoted he remains to her despite her spelling out in several ways that she "cares about him" but not in the way he'd like her to, I really feel like I've had enough of this from the past few years and am really just sick and tired of it. But by the time I realize that this was his big emergency that he needed a friend for, I suck it up, sit at the bar and order a glass of Moscato because I need some alcohol to take the place of the pieces of my respect for him that have been chunked away on the ride over.

We talk about some other things over the course of the next hour and I gradually remember that, underneath his tool-ish mindframe that there's an intelligent guy in there somewhere that isn't a complete idiot when it comes to this one girl in particular. At that point, I remember that he's a good friend too, and has been there for me when I was particularly pathetic as well, when he didn't want to have to put up with me either. So while I concede that this is not where I would've liked to be, with whom I would've liked to be with on a Sunday night of Memorial Day Weekend, I tell myself that it's better than what I want. Because what I want is just as pathetic as what Ricky wants...and chances are, the disgust that I have for his whines at missing out on seeing Rae, are probably just a self-reflection of my own idiotic, parallel thoughts.