Day 191 C'est la vie

I broke up with Johnny barely a month after our freshman year. By the start of the new school year, I already had a new boyfriend and a not-so-rumor had gone into the air that Johnny had hooked up with our friend, Nina. Now, never mind that the girl had become a good friend and confidant during my own relationship problems with Johnny...she was still in a relationship with her own boyfriend, Charlie.


When I first heard of it, I was surprised to be, well, upset.

In fact, I was kinda devastated a bit. I knew it didn't make any sense: I broke up with Johnny, I got into a new relationship less than two months later, I shouldn't be hung up over whether or not he'd been hooking up with anyone. Maybe it was because it hadn't been that long since our breakup, maybe I did have some residual feelings left over for the kid, or maybe it had more to do with how shattered Nina looked every time I attempted to broach the topic, but it really fucking bothered me. 


And it bothered me. And it bothered me. And it bothered and bothered me. I'd think about it from time to time and find myself just...fhakgajbavhbsneoailgh. 

Haha. Or something like it. It was just one of those things that drove me crazy, like a question bomb I had to keep holding in all the damn time: Did they? Didn't they? Why? What the hell happened? Would it still have happened if I hadn't broken up with him?

And then, one day, Nina offered to tell me everything that had happened, to clear up all the misunderstandings and just tell me the complete truth. Now, I never got the chance to accept her offer but I realized just soon afterward that...I just didn't care. That whatever transpired between her and Johnny just didn't matter to me... because Johnny didn't matter to me. And I think back to that connection with a little hope that one day, maybe the harder things to stomach won't matter to me anymore either.