Day 39 One Foot, then Another

So, about a month ago I went to an interview at the ER of a hospital. Since then, I haven’t really heard anything from the people, which I should be worried about, but I’m not. See, my aunt works there so, even though I haven’t heard anything from the department, I occasionally call her and ask if I’m still in the running for a job.

Last night was one of those instances.

My aunt reassured me that, not only was I still in the running for a position, but that she was campaigning her director to assign me to a NICU post, which is fine by me, since a job is a job and I don’t have one at the moment so any job would be great. So I was relieved.

…and just a tad bit disappointed.

See, I actually wanted the ER position; I’d be doing something new that I never got a chance to get used to in my clinical training and it’s likely something to continually keep me on my feet. And if you’ve been up for 10+ hours, you need that constant activity. So while I don’t mind the idea of working on a NICU, I would’ve really liked to get a position in the ER, the opportunity for which has pretty much been pushed aside and forgotten since my aunt felt that I “would have better support” in the NICU, referring to the multitude of relatives on the floor that I could go to for help.

And I agree on that point and I don’t want to be ungrateful or completely ignore her input or suggestion (she has been doing this for years). But it would’ve been nice to try something in a place where my progress could easily be made the next topic of discussion at birthdays or anniversaries or family parties. When I was still in school, my classmates used to lament as to where they could go to get work. I, in the meantime, shrugged off the worry as I knew (with the herd of Titas at my command in South Florida) I was bound to find work somewhere. Over time, I flirted over the idea of trying to find a job without using any of my connections but that plan fell apart quicker than it took for several Human Resources departments to reject me (the record was 10 minutes after I sent an initial application).

So while I’m pretty much doing exactly what I’d planned on doing while I was in school, I do feel a bit of a…well, a sell-out. Or a parasite, actually. Like, I can’t do anything for myself. Especially when the job I do want is pushed aside for the job “that would be best” for me.

Once again, I don’t want to be an ungrateful brat for all that’s being done for me. After all, my aunt could’ve just put in a good word for me and just never follow-up, but she keeps at it even without me prompting or asking her to do so. But I know that I want something more that’s likely out of my own personal reach, and that frustrates me to no end.

I guess I should just shut up and be grateful. After all, it’s just a first job, a foot in the door, so to speak. So…It’s just a matter of waiting for that door to open with time and wait for the right time and opportunity to take my own strides in the direction I really want to follow.

In other news

• My throat is still dying although I can still play with the pitch of my voice to sound normal at times which is still troublesome because,
• I have a show on Saturday to emcee…yeah. Shoot me.
• I’m going to attempt to do a workout tonight because I’m feeling my belly expand like a hot air balloon. My lungs are fine, just my larynx that’s on the brink of death.

So. Here we go.