Day 82 Getting Happy

Michael has a new girlfriend. 

Well, he’s kinda had her for a while. I got nosy a while back and asked him (without any agenda) if he was seeing someone and, admittedly, it stung a bit to hear him say yes.

They’re still together despite their distance and even though it hurt so much when we fell apart, (read: sobbing into ex’s shirt until ~5 am) I think it’s sweet. And I don’t mean that in any condescending or mocking fashion; I genuinely think this is a good step for him.

See, while he was never callous or rude to me, Michael never treated me quite right. It wasn’t that he was awful (he was a perfect gentleman) it’s just that I got the feeling that what I felt for him was never quite as acutely reciprocated. And we had to break up for me to finally figure it out: Michael never cherished me.

The thing is, while he was always good to me and fantastically thoughtful (no mass-produced teddy bears here), he was never quite sweet on me. Like, I never felt too much affection coming from him and I rationalized that it was because my last relationship was a constant PDA-bomb and Michael just wasn’t into that kind of…show.

But it’s different now.

When we were still dating, I’d bemoan the fact that he treated his material possessions with more care and affection than he did holding my hand. With his new girlfriend, he’s…giddy, enthusiastic. Like, he can’t get enough of her and even though I should be seething in quiet, bitter rage, I can’t.

I won’t.

Michael’s found this solace of happiness for himself. And I can’t be angry at that. It helps that he’s not the greatest love of my life, but I did love him and I love what he did for me. So, even though we didn’t work out and will likely never even have the friendship we cultivated prior to fucking it over with our relationship, I can’t help but be happy for him.

And I’m happy for myself too. Because if I can write this without getting angry or upset or dialing someone’s number to bawl my eyes out, I’m taking it as a cue that maybe, just maybe, I’m getting just a little bit better. (Getting my paycheck today helps too)

A short, hazy mistake for the better. Thanks.